you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
