White coat. Heels.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
