Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There r osticjed everywhere
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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