I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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