and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
