"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
