Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
