I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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