I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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