I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
