i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
