Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
