And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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