my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
