MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
