i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize