FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
