So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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