apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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