the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's like heaven, but drunker
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
