here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
