Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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