The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
