Duck Duck Cougar?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
