he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
