can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize