i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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