Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
