I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she told me i tasted like america
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
