i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
