so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
