I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
