I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
