To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
