now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
