I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
