I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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