She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You pole danced in your parka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
