If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I met the friendliest cop last night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
