I hate your face
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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