There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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