I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
