woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
