what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize