He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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