my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
