Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just pee around me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
