I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
