you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
