Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
