Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
