STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
