We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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