Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
