I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
