Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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