In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
