the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
