I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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