Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
