Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
