Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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