I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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