Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
