Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
